


Webby Contracts a Rare Condition

by DontKillBugs



Series: Weblena Week Prompts! [6]
Category: DuckTales (Cartoon 2017)
Genre: F/F, Lots and lots of blushing, Non-sexy vampires, These are kids, Vampires, huey's favorite drink gets repeatedly dunked on, lena's cuteness proximity is set off repeatedly, mark beaks makes an ass of himself, references to little shop of horrors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-05 23:17:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16376921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontKillBugs/pseuds/DontKillBugs
Summary: After suffering an animal bite in Europe, Webby wakes up having become a Vampire in the night.Everyone involved takes it pretty well, actually.Weblena Week 2018, Day Six: Spooky.CHAPTER TWO: Mark finds out about this vampire business, and proceeds to royally embarrass himself.





	1. Once Bitten

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually a one-shot I've had stuck on my computer in Writer's Block Land. I retooled it to make it more Weblena centric, and here we are! I hope you enjoy!

_Knock-Knock._

_Knock-Knock-Knock._

_Knock-Knock-Knock-Knock._

Lena frowned as she tapped on her girlfriend's door. "Webby? You in there?"

No answer.

Lena leaned down, peering under the door. Webby's room was dark, despite it being sunny outside and Webby preferring to throw the curtains open as soon as she awoke.

Lena had been worried since they had gotten back from Europe. Clan McDuck had travelled there at Scrooge's behest the previous day, to scour some ancient castle for the ancient statue of Lord Gigamungous, or whatever his name had been. The whole adventure had been fairly standard fare, in Lena's experience- werewolves, cultists, a cave troll, the usual.

The only thing that had really stuck out, and stuck in Lena's head for the better part of the past twelve hours, was the bite.

Lena and Webby had opened a door in a dungeon, only to be greeted by a swarm of bats. The little furry gremlins had poured out, streaming past the two. Lena typically loved bats (seriously, why did so many people hate them? They were adorable up close! At least, when not covered in dust and ancient bacteria and flying close to your mouth), but had grown concerned when Webby presented her bleeding hand.

One of the bats had taken a chunk out of her as she swatted it away. It was bandaged quickly, but on the ride back to Duckburg on the Sunchaser, Webby had suddenly seemed more and more exhausted. Ignoring Huey's ramblings about rabies, Scrooge had insisted on scheduling Webby a doctor's appointment for the next day.

When they had finally arrived back at McDuck Manor, late that night, Lena and Webby had shared a tired goodnight kiss, and gone to their separate rooms.

It was now noon, and Webby still hadn't emerged from her room. Lena had volunteered to go check on her, to make sure she was okay, which led her to knocking on her girlfriend's door and awaiting a reply.

Lena gently eased the doorknob around, pushing the door open. "Webby? I'm comin' in. It's me, so don't do the whole hyperawareness thing and tackle me..."

The room was very dim. The curtains where still drawn, and even the nightlight in the corner had been unplugged.

"Webby? You okay? Please be okay..."

Lena climbed the ladder to the loft, only to find an empty bed, the sheets tossed wildly off.

A low panic began to bubble deep within Lena. She turned to descend the ladder again, to find Beakley or Scrooge or anyone-

She paused.

A familiar, steady snore could be heard... from...

Lena glanced upward.

There, above Webby's bed, was the most surreal-yet-adorable thing Lena had seen. Hanging upside-down above her bed, webbed feet wrapped around a ceiling beam, was her girlfriend. She was wrapped tightly in her comforter, snoring peacefully. A teddy bear poked out the top of the comforter, wedging against Webby's beak. Her hair hung straight down, dangling gently.

_What._

Lena stood there, beak agape. "Uhhh... Webby?"

Webby snuggled deeper into the comforter, mumbling something in her sleep.

A quick venture to the closet in the hallway later, Lena extended a broom handle toward her inverted-slumbering girlfriend. A gentle poke to the center mass caused Webby to groan and recoil slightly.

"Webby. Wake up."

Webby groaned again. "Never. Lemme sleep forever."

Lena poked the blanket again, slightly harder. " _Webby._ You need to wake up."

Webby cracked open one eye. "Urgh... Lena?"

Lena waved uncertainly. "Hey Webby. Uh... you good?"

"Lena? Why are you upside-" Webby let out a sudden squawk as her feet lost their grip on the beam and she plummeted downward.

Lena's instinctive attempt to catch her falling girlfriend collided with Webby's automatic attempt to land on her feet, causing the two of them to collapse to the floor in a tangled pile of two ducks and a blanket.

As the two attempted to disentangle themselves, Lena paused. _Wow, she smells_ really _nice._

A moment later, the two ducklings threw themselves from the blanket, breathing heavily in the darkened room.

Lena was first to speak. "Webby, are you okay?"

"Lena, what's going on? What time is it? Why was I on... the..." Webby sniffed. "Wow, you smell amazing!"

"Webs, focus. It's lunchtime and you were hanging from the ceiling."

"Can you open the curtains? I can't see anything."

Lena hopped to her feet and crossed to the window. She threw open the curtain, allowing brilliant midday sun to shine in.

Almost instantly, Webby cried out in pain. Lena spun around to see Webby's feathers molting off rapid-fire, her skin turning bright red, almost like a bad sunburn. Webby scrambled backward, out of the light. In a flash, she was tucked under her bed.

Lena threw the curtains closed again. She sprinted to the bed, throwing herself to the floor, scattering her girlfriend's loose feathers everywhere. "Webby! Are you okay?!"

From under the bed, Webby's voice came. "Uh... I guess? I don't hurt anymore. Here, I'm gonna come out."

Webby crawled out from under the bed. Lena fished out her phone. From the light of the screen, much to both of their amazement, Webby's sunburn had vanished. Her feathers could be seen growing back, like kudzu in a rainstorm.

Lena reached out, holding Webby's hand. "How do you feel?"

Webby shrugged. "Okay, I guess? I mean, that hurt a bunch- OW!" Webby recoiled, sticking her tongue out. "I bith my tongue..."

Lena froze. "Webby. Hold still." She reached forward, extending finger and thumb, gently prying Webby's beak open.

Inside Webby's mouth were a tiny, uniform pair of fangs, pointing downward from the top of her beak.

"Uh."

\- - -

Scrooge squinted as he peered into his niece's beak. He inserted a finger into her mouth and gently tapped one fang. "Can you feel that?"

"Uh lil' bih?" Webby shrugged, her beak still open. On her left, the rest of Clan McDuck was seated around the dinner table, watching intently. Lena, in the seat to Webby's immediate left, had one hand wrapped around her girlfriend's. The curtains were tightly shut over the windows, not allowing a single ray in.

Scrooge leaned backward, removing his hand from Webby's beak. "Aye, I believe yer right, Webby darlin'. You're officially a vampire."

Webby blinked. "Huh. Neat!"

Louie jumped up, snapping a picture on his phone. "That is sooooo cool!"

Lena shook her own fists in excitement. "I know this is probably bad, but my girlfriend's a vampire! I have a bona fide vampire girlfriend! I am officially living every goth kid's dream!"

Huey suddenly materialized at Webby's side, pen and notepad in hand. "How long are your fangs? Do you having any cravings, blood or otherwise? Do you know if the sunlight will _kill_ you, or just hurt a lot? Do you want living targets, or-"

Dewey appeared over Huey's shoulder, holding a bowl of grapes. "Webby! Wanna tilt your head back and try to spear these grapes with your awesome fangs while I throw them?!!?"

A shrill, ear-piercing whistle demanded silence. Beakley slowly stood from her chair. "First things first: we need to find a way to reverse this. Mister McDuck, do you know of any ways to reverse vampirism? Any artifacts, rituals, et cetera?"

Scrooge shook his head. "I'm afraid not. I've fought plenty of vampires, and met plenty more that were halfway decent folk, but none of them told me of any way to reverse the effects of a vampire bite."

Lena raised a hand. "I've got plenty of stuff about vampires in my spellbooks. Want me to go check?"

Scrooge snapped his fingers as he pointed at Lena. "Attagirl! Aye, yes, go check, please-and-thank-you!"

With one last squeeze of Webby's hand, Lena hopped from her chair and headed to her room. "Give me just a few minutes!"

Beakley nodded, smiling. "Okay, good. Question two: Webby, how are you feeling right now?"

A shrug from Webby. "Honestly, pretty okay? Like, I'm not feeling an urge to chew on anyone's necks, so that's a plus. That sunlight hurt plenty, though."

Scrooge nodded. "If yer anythin' like the other vampires I've met, sunlight shouldn't kill ye, but it will put you out of commission for a bit."

Webby held a hand toward Louie. "Can I see that picture? I wanna see my awesome new fangs!" Louie slid the phone over to Webby, who snatched it up.

"Ohmigosh, guys, my fangs are so cute! Lookit these lil' guys!" She rubbed her thumb along her right fang, testing its pointyness.

Stuffing a handful of his grapes into his mouth, Dewey asked "So how do we deal with the whole blood thing?"

Webby and Scrooge winced. "Ooh. Right. That."

Dewey nodded. "Ooh-right-that."

Louie snatched back his phone, typing something into a search bar. "Does it have to be fresh blood?"

Everyone froze. No one knew exactly how to respond to that. Scrooge raised an eyebrow. "Lad?"

"Because I can getcha blood. I got friends. If it has to be fresh blood, it'll take a little longer."

"Lad-"

"I can have blood here in a New York Minute. I can even order specific types. Heck, if you want, I could even order in bulk-"

" _Lad."_

Louie looked up. Everyone was staring. He shrugged. "What? I got friends, is all- _hey!_ " Donald removed the phone from Louie's hand. He warbled "Yew've lost your phone privileges for a while."

"But-"

Donald continued with " _And_ we're gonna have a long talk about making friends on the Internet."

Webby raised her voice. "Hey, hey! We're missing the bigger picture here! I'm not drinking from anybody! Nobody in this house is drinking blood, least of all me!"

With a _clink,_ Beakley placed a tall glass of a thick, red liquid on the table in front of Webby. A bendy straw stretched from the top.

Webby, Huey, Dewey, Louie and Donald stared at the glass. The silence was palpable.

Webby turned to look at her grandmother. "Uuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-"

Beakley smiled. "Relax. It's not blood. Just drink it."

Webby looked at the glass as if it were about to explode. She slowly reached forward, grabbing the straw, guiding it to her mouth. She took a sip, swallowed, and immediately coughed loudly. "Ugh! Agh! What is that?!" Dewey leaned forward and sniffed the glass. He instantly recoiled. "Is this some kinda voodoo poison?!"

Scrooge grinned. "Close enough- it's V8! It's thick, red, and packed with nutrients. It's close enough to blood to fool the vampire genes. Fun fact, most _civilized_ vampires drink this stuff instead of blood."

Dewey stared incredulously. "You're joking."

Scrooge raised an eyebrow. "Lad, those vampires are the only reason this stuff's still on the market. They buy enough of it to keep the company afloat. Do ye think anyone would drink this stuff _voluntarily?"_

Huey looked downward. " _I_ like V8..."

As Webby grabbed the glass, forcing herself to take another sip, Lena reentered. Her beak was buried deeply in one of her old spellbooks, while two more floated along behind her, held aloft by magic. "I think I've got something!"

Scrooge rose, walking over to join Lena with the books. "Well done, lass! What have ye got?"

Lena looked up. "I remembered the She-Devil mentioning something about reversing vampirism back when she was still... training... me..." Lena trailed off, staring with wide eyes at her vampire girlfriend drinking a thick red liquid from a glass. The two books levitating behind her dropped with a loud _thud-thump._

Catching Lena's eye, Webby realized what this looked like and shook her head frantically. "It's okay! It's not blood, it's just V8!"

Lena blinked. "Oh. Oh, that's even worse."

Scrooge patted Lena gently on the shoulder. "Lass. Focus."

Lena placed the spellbook on the table, allowing everyone to crowd around and have a look. "The good news is, there is a ritual to reverse the effects of a vampire bite. We'll have to make a spell circle, anoint it with holy oils, there's a bit involving a goat, and a turtle shell filled with ink, someone has to play a French Horn while someone else does _thisss-"_ Lena waggled her fingers mysteriously. "It's a little complicated, but it's also pretty foolproof if we do it right!"

"What's the bad news?"

Lena grimaced. "The bad news is that it has to be done on the night of a new moon.”

Scrooge raised an eyebrow. "Not a full moon?"

"Nope, new moon. Something about it being the longest possible time before a full moon, and thus the longest time before the vampire genes can fully activate from the full moon, blar-dee-blar-dee-bloo, new moon."

Webby blinked, a slowly rising horror filling the gaps in her brain. "And the next new moon is in..."

"Three weeks," Louie confirmed, flashing his phone screen which displayed a web search for moon phases.

Webby slumped in her chair, aghast. "I have to keep drinking this sludge for _three weeks?!!?"_

Huey glanced at the search page. "Three weeks, two days, eight hours and six minutes, to be precise."

Webby stared at Huey with a mighty fury. "Uncle Donald, Uncle Scrooge, Granny, I changed my mind, Can I drink Huey?"

Huey's squawk of indignation was cut off by Louie shoving his head aside. "No! Drink me! I wanna be a cool immortal!"

As Donald, from the sound of the noises his beak made, began to attempt to invert himself, Lena tucked her hand around Webby's. "You doing okay?"

Webby grinned radiantly, displaying her new fangs. "Yeah! Though I'm not looking forward to drinking this stuff." She looked sourly at the glass of V8, forcing herself to take another swig.

Lena felt a small twinge in her chest- _Oh Gosh her fangs are adorable WHY ARE THEY ADORABLE_ \- and smiled sympathetically. "Hey, I'm gonna be with you all the way, Pink." Lena produced another can of V8 she had snagged from the kitchen, gave Webby a wink, cracked it open, and took an enormous swig.

A second later, Lena was coughing roughly into her elbow. "Agpthth- mistake! That was supposed to be smooth but it was a mistake!"

Webby nodded solemnly, placing her hand on Lena's shoulder. "It tastes like broken dreams and sadness."

Another squawk from Huey. "Seriously! What is wrong with V8?! It's good and good for you!"

\- - -

That evening, in Webby's loft, Lena sat down atop a case of V8, swinging her legs. "Man, Scrooge ain't kiddin' on this stuff, is he?"

Webby shrugged, perched atop another case. "He said to just down a can every time I get a hankerin' for... you-know-what, and I'll be fine."

"And how are those hankerings treating you right now."

"Doing okay. Still no real urge to..." Webby smiled mischievously. She struck a dramatic pose, and imitated the voice of that killer plant from the musical they had watched on TV last week. "FEED ME!"

Lena rolled her eyes good-naturedly, taking a dramatically fearful step back. To the tune of the song: "Does it have to be Duck Blood?!"

"FEED ME!"

"Does it have to be mine?!!?"

_"FEED ME!"_

"Where am I supposed to get it?!!?"

Webby stepped forward menacingly, a grin on her face. "FEED ME, SEYMOUR!"

The two ducklings broke, laughing uproariously. Lena grabbed her girlfriend in a hug, holding her close as they giggled.

Wiping tears from her eyes, Lena paused, thinking to herself.

_Okay. How do I say this next part without sounding like a total creepazoid?_

"Hey. Um.

Webby stopped, noticing her girlfriend's face. "Lena? What's wrong?"

Lena looked down at her shoes, trying to ignore the blush rising to her cheeks. _Why does she smell so freaking nice?!!?_ "I just wanted to let you know, Webs, that..." Lena swallowed the lump in her throat, unconsciously rubbing her neck. "If... if the V8 ever isn't enough... I'm okay with you... uh... you know..."

Webby blinked. "Lena... that's really nice of you. I mean I hope it doesn't..." Webby suddenly became acutely aware of the increased drool in her mouth, and stopped herself from licking her own beak. _No, bad Webby! No drinking girlfriends! No matter how... amazing they smell..._

Webby shook her head, looking in Lena's eyes. Both girls suddenly remembered themselves. "Maybe I  should start wearing that garlic necklace like Uncle Scrooge said?"

Webby nodded wordlessly, cracking open another V8 can.

The room was silent for a few minutes. Lena glanced over at Webby. "Did I... make it weird?"

Webby shook her head no. "No, it's okay! I made it weird too."

A pause.

"Also, you smell really nice."

Lena felt her body untense in relief. "Thank you! So do you! Is that a vampire thing?"

Webby laughed. "Okay, good! So it's not just me?"

Lena smiled. "Love ya, Webs."

"Love you too, Lena.", Webby smiled back, blushing.

Lena felt herself blushing. "Hey... there is one thing I'd like to try? If you're up to it?"

"Sure! What is it?"

Lena shuffled her feet. "Well... you're a vampire, at least for three weeks, so you can't go outside in the daytime. I can do _this..._ " Lena's form suddenly flattened into a Lena-shaped shadow on the wall, before reincorporating as herself. "I'm a Shadow Homunculus-thing, you're a vampire, we're both basically creatures of the night until further notice... there's a full moon next weekend..."

Webby nodded, eyes wide.

Lena, fully aware that her cheeks were beet red: "Would you want to... maybe... just go for a moonlit walk sometime? I go as me, you go as you?"

Webby, breathing perhaps a little more rapidly than usual, smiled. "I'd love that, Lena! I'd love that a lot!"

"Okay, good! I was hoping that... you okay?" Lena cocked an eyebrow. Webby's breathing was getting more and more high-pitched.

Webby shook her head. "It's nothing, I think I'b about to sneeze..."

Lena grinned. "Bless you."

Webby stomped her foot. "You know I hate it when you do thaaAAA-CHOO!" Webby sneezed violently, vanishing in a thick puff of smoke.

Lena blinked.

_What._

The smoke began to clear. There was no sign of her girlfriend. "Webby?!"

From Lena's feet, a tiny voice squeaked "Down here!"

Lena glanced down. There, on the floor, was a tiny black-and-white furred bat, two fangs sticking out of her mouth, eyes wide, tiny pink bow perched on top of its head.

Lena froze.

Several seconds went by.

Some say that what happened next defied history itself, as Lena did something she had never done before.

She squealed in delight.

Lena reached down, grabbed the tiny vampire bat, and hugged it close. She collapsed backward onto the floor, landing flat on her back.

"WEBBY! YOU'RE SO CUTE! AAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Downstairs, Scrooge looked up as he heard the sound of feet drumming on the floor rapidfire. "What in blazes is that?"

The Webby-bat squeaked in Lena's arms. "Lena! I'm a bat! This is the coolest thing to ever happen to me!"

"YOU'RE TOO CUTE, WEBBY! I CAN'T! I CAN'T!"

This was going to be a long three weeks.


	2. Mark Beaks gets thirsty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark hears about Webby's vampiric condition, and proceeds to embarrass himself.

The low sound of a car horn being leaned on filled the air.

The inhabitants of McDuck Manor, seated around the dinner table, all paused. The dining room was dim, curtains having been drawn constantly for the past week and a half, to avoid any painful burns for Webby until they could fix her current condition.

The sound of the horn continued, occasionally peppered by shorter honks as the offending driver made increased efforts to get someone's attention.

Scrooge set his teacup down. "Who in blazes is doing that in front of my house?"

As if on cue, Mrs. Beakley entered the dining room, brows threatening to encroach on her eyes. "Mr. McDuck, Mark Beaks is parked in front of the house. I told him via the intercom to leave, but he's insisting on seeing, quote, "my vampiric homegirls," end-quote."

Webby sighed, a long-suffering exhale. "Not this again."

"What do you mean 'again', Webby?"

Webby took a deep swig of her V8, grimacing. Beside her, Lena gave her hand an encouraging squeeze.  "That creepazoid somehow found out about this whole vampire thing. He's been sending Webby Friend Requests since yesterday."

Scrooge rose to his feet, hands gripping his cane. "Setting aside how morally depraved that is, how did he even find out?"

From Scrooge's right, there was a whistling as Dewey glanced very specifically away from the rest of his family. His hand slowly slid his phone off the table and out of sight. Outside, Beaks continued to lean on his car horn.

Scrooge's eyes narrowed. " _Dewey..."_

Dewey suddenly stood. "Oh hey, is that the bathroom-"

Donald reached out and grabbed his collar, stopping his nephew in his tracks. Dewey froze, then sighed. "Look, it was legitimately an accident..."

Clan McDuck collectively stared. Scrooge, eyes lidded, droned a deadpan "What did ye do?"

Wordlessly, Dewey held up his phone. Onscreen was Dewey's DEWEY-DEWNIGHT-OFFICIAL Tweeter account, with a familiar photo of Webby grinning, newfound fangs fully visible. Below it was the caption " **Bevare! Vampires in McDuck McManor! #spooky #vampires #immortality #BestFriendWebby #Blehhh"**

As Scrooge made a choking noise, Webby jumped up in her chair. "You posted my top-secret vampirization online?!"

Dewey waved a hand. "I know, I'm sorry! On the bright side though, he's literally the only one who's seen it for some reason." He tapped the phone's screen, bringing up the post's stats. It had exactly one view, one Like, and fourteen comments, all from MarkBeaksMakesItRain89.

Taking the phone, Huey scrolled through the comments. "Let's see... 'Oh-Em-Gee Ell-Oh-Ell Get me in on that'... 'I wanna be a vampire too, let's talk'... 'Why are you ignoring me'... 'I sent you my Vampire playlist, answer me'..."

The honking outside continued, the short bursts becoming shorter and the long ones becoming longer. Scrooge sighed. "I suppose I better go see if I can get him to leave." He headed out of the dining room, the various ducks and ducklings behind him falling into line.

As they entered the front hall, Launchpad entered the front door, quickly shutting it behind him so as to not allow the light from the setting sun to filter in. "Mr. McD, that Beaks guy is out front. He really wants to see you."

Scrooge sighed. "Yes, Launchpad, we noticed." He slid past his driver to the front door, glancing at his niece. "Ready, Webby?"

Webby slipped into an oversized rain slicker that had been placed by the front door, drawing the hood up over her head. "Ready!" Lena, standing by her side with an enormous umbrella, flashed a grin and a thumbs-up.

Scrooge pushed the door open. Drawing the slicker tightly around herself, Webby stepped outside into the evening sunlight.

From the front steps of the Manor, Beaks could be seen from beyond the front gate. Upon seeing them step outside, he leapt from the front seat of the car, an enormous grin on his face, waving a megaphone. He jumped on the hood of his car, and placed the megaphone to his beak. " **Finally! Hey there, my vamps and vampettes!"**

Scrooge waved his cane. "Jettison that heap from my driveway this instant, you conniving con artist!"

" **No can do, Scroogie! I heard about the vampire infestation you've got in your house, and I want in!"** Beaks began _slap-_ slapping the side of his neck with his free hand. **"Hey, Cold Ones! Why don't you come down here and crack open this boy!"**

Scrooge sputtered. "Excuse me, _what?"_

**"Come on, guys! Let's get this Red!"**

Donald shoved through the crowd, marching down the front steps. "Yew get away from this house, yew useless twink!"

**"BITE ME! Hey, geddit? Bite me?"** Beaks began slapping his neck even faster. " **I want sharp teeth! I _need_ sharp teeth! I _deserve_ sharp teeth! Come on, get down here and chew on me!"**

Webby cupped her hands to her mouth. "Mister Beaks, why do you even want to be a vampire?! It's not that great!"

**"Psh, you kiddin'? Vampires are awesome! I've always wanted to be a cool creature of the night!"** Beaks, now visibly sweating, jumped down from his car hood and ran around to the passenger seat. He emerged with four thick books and a larger megaphone. Tossing the original over his shoulder, he resumed shouting. " **I've read the _Sunset_ books like fifty times! And I've seen the movies even more! C'mon, you gotta let me live mah dream!"**

Dewey and Louie produced their phones, opened the camera apps, and both began filming. Louie grinned. "This is better entertainment than _Ottoman Empire!_ "

Scrooge hollered back "Go home before I call the police!"

" **You can't tell me what to do, Scroogie! Come on, I drew fanart!"** Beaks dove back into the car, producing a thick sheaf of crudely drawn pictures. **"I've always wanted fangs! That said, do I get two little fangs or like a million itty-bitty ones? Cause with my beak, if it's a bunch of little ones I'll look like, like an eel or a lamprey or somethin', and that's just gross. I mean, if it's the only option-"**

Webby stomped forward. At her side, Lena opened the umbrella, blocking the both of them from the sun's rays. Webby pointed a finger at Beaks. "Listen! I've been doing really good about not drinking people, and I do not appreciate you enabling the vampire genes!"

Beaks scoffed. " **Please, I know you gotta be hungry!"** He once again began slapping his neck. " **This ain't no V8! This is _au naturale_ , baby! Kids, come get y'all juice!"**

Webby sighed. "This is pointless. C'mon, Lena." She turned and headed back toward the Manor. Behind her, Beaks kept yelling into his megaphone. " **C'mon, my neck is hurting!"**

Lena leaned in toward Webby. "Y'know, I don't think anyone in the world would miss him if you did drink him..."

Webby smiled toothily. "Tempting, but no. I refuse to dirty my mouth with him."

As they approached, Scrooge smiled. "Well said, Webby. Now, if ye'll excuse me, I'm going to go make a phone call."

"Who are you calling?"

"The only party a responsible adult should call when a grown man cyber-stalks his kids and stands out front asking them to drink his bodily fluids: the police." He glanced to his side. "You lads still recording?"

Dewey flashed a thumbs up. "Every word, Uncle Scrooge."

From the street: " **Okay, okay, I know what you're thinking. I get why you're not on board yet. You think my blood isn't good enough! Well, jokes on you! I used to be AB Positive, but before I came here, I had a full transfusion!"**

Scrooge froze. He turned to face Beaks again. "Sorry, what?!"

Now sweating heavilty, Beaks rolled up both sleeves, exposing a large bandage on either elbow. " **Yessirree! I'm officially chock full of O Negative! That's _royal_ blood, baby!" **He began to sway from left to right. " **Come on, I'm ready! I wanna become... uh... I... dun feel zo gooooo-"** Beaks fell forward heavily, bounced facefirst off the hood of his car with a mighty _THUNK_ , and fell to the ground.

There was a heavy silence on the front steps. Eventually, Scrooge managed to croak. "Ehm... perhaps I'll call an ambulance too. Beakley-"

Beakley sighed. "I'll get the medical kit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Quadrell for being a major factor of inspiration for this second, very unexpected chapter!


End file.
